


Egg

by JadeFalcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Absent Characters, Adorable, Affection, Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Animal Instincts, Celebrity mentions, Comedy, Confusion, Crack, Cultural References, Cute, Drabble, Drabble Sequence, Egg Laying, Fluff and Crack, Funny, Gen, Harry Potter - Freeform, Humor, Inspired by..., Kawaii, Love, Molly Weasley - Freeform, Motherhood, NEST - Freeform, NFL, NFL Reference, National Football League, Nesting, Other, Protective Hermione Granger, Protectiveness, Self-Defecating Humor, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, TV Show, TV references, completely random, crack!fic, egg, hermione granger - Freeform, ron weasley - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 05:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7346719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeFalcon/pseuds/JadeFalcon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione lays an egg.</p><p>There's no reason for it.  There's no logic to it.</p><p>It just....is.</p><p>Egg.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Egg

**Author's Note:**

  * For [swissmarg](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=swissmarg).
  * Inspired by [Prompt # 39 of the "Hermione Smut Diversity Prompts", mentioned on the Livejournal Community: HP_Diversity.](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/210652) by Swissmarg. 



> Inspired by Prompt # 39 at HP_Diversity on Livejournal (entry dated 18 July 2013). But it's not sexual in nature.
> 
> I'm choosing not to post this work to the HP_Diversity community directly, because this story does not meet their rules of having at least one character of color.
> 
> Don't try and decipher this. Don't try and reason about it.
> 
> Because there's absolutely no plot whatsoever. It's quick, it's short, and it's simple.
> 
> This came out of an "aaawww" factor at the thought of Hermione doting the egg with love and affection.
> 
> And I was incredibly bored.

Harry and Ron trudged warily upstairs; rubbing the sleep out of their eyes.  Molly and sent them to Hermione's room to wake her up.

Reaching the door, Harry knocked sharply.  "Hermione!  Time for breakfast."

No answer came.

Ron tried next.  "C'mon, 'Mione!  I'm hungry."

Still no answer.

Sighing, Harry cracked open the door and peaked in.  A blast of cool air greeted him as the window against the far wall was wide open.

Opening the door further, Harry stepped in.  "Hermione?"

Hermione was in her white sleeping gown in the center of the room.  She froze with a pillow clutched in her hands and glared at them in surprise.

She scampered over to them, causing both boys to stutter and stumble backwards against the door frame.  Hermione studied them through wide eyes, and then started sniffing them both.

"The hell?!"

"Cor!  'Mione, what..."

She sniffed first Ron's chest as he stood stricken against the door, then his neck, and finally his face.  She then rapidly switched to Harry and frantically sniffed him as well.

Seemingly satisfied that neither boy posed a threat, she huffed and whipped around towards the bed.  And it was only then that Harry and Ron noticed the mountains of blankets and pillows spread out across her bed in a circular pattern.  Hermione gingerly knelt by the bed side and gently placed the pillow in the center of the pile.  Then she lifted a large object up with great care and placed it on the pillow.

Looking at each other in bewilderment, both boys approached the bed carefully.

And there, on the pillow....was an egg.

Harry and Ron looked at each other...then the egg...then each other...then the egg again.

The egg was rather large; about three-quarters the size of an American Professional-grade Football.  It was snow-white, and speckled with brown dots of various shapes and sizes.

Hermione settled her chin on the mattress, and watched the egg carefully without blinking or moving.

After a moment, she stood up and carefully sat in the center of the bed.  Snatching a pillowcase from the pile of various fabrics of what they now knew was a nest, Hermione carefully took the egg and placed it in the center of the pillowcase.  She wrapped it gently in the fabric and brought it to her chest.  She hugged the egg protectively to her bosom and proceeded to rock softly back and forth.  Her eyes closed, her head reclined backwards slightly, and a peaceful, thin-lipped smile blossomed over her cheeks as she hummed happily to the egg.

Ron and Harry both studied Hermione, and she looked....

....absolutely _adorable_.

"That's some Kawaii shit right there mate," said Harry.

Ron was deep in thought for a moment, then spoke up.  "Harry, I....I....I got nothing."  He shrugged his shoulders.

"It's an egg."

"I know that."

"It's an _egg_ , Ron."

Ron gave a snort.  "Well, she looks very happy about it."

Harry agreed.  "She does look most adorable, doesn't she?"

Ron turned and walked to the door.  "I'm hungry."

Harry did a double-take, then followed his best friend; closing the door softly behind him.

Once down stairs, both boys sat at the table as Molly cooked breakfast.

"Hermione has an egg."

Molly froze at the sink; a chicken egg in each hand, hovering over a bowl, preparing to crack them for an omelette.  She set the eggs carefully down on the counter and turned towards her son.

"What was that, love?"

Ron took a swig of orange juice.  "'Mione...*gulp*...got an egg.  Big 'n white...with brown dots."

After a moment, Molly scampered out of the kitchen and hurried upstairs.

Harry reached for a piece of toast on a plate in the center of the table.  "The hell did it come from?"

"Dunno."

"Suppose she laid it?"

Ron turned a withering stare on to his best friend.  "Mate, girls don't lay eggs."

"Meh.  You never know...."

After a few moments, Molly returned, humming happily to herself.  With a bit of hesitation, she picked the eggs up and cracked them into a bowl.  "It appears I'm going to have to do some knitting!"  She sang.

"So...s'up with the egg?"  Harry inquired.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"  Molly replied warmly.  "I always thought she'd have a brown speckled egg; the same color as her beautiful hair."

"Where'd it come from?"  Harry asked curiously.

"She laid it, love."

Harry was silent for a moment.  "Girls don't lay eggs."

Ron stuttered through a shower of crumbs emitting from his mouth.  "That's what I said."

Molly smacked him on the head as she settled a plate in front of him.  "Ron!  Manners!"  She addressed both boys, "besides, it's not appropriate to speak of Egg in such a way,"

Harry looked incredulously at Molly.  "'Egg'?  As in 'name'?"

"That's correct dear."

Molly returned to making breakfast, and Ron casually stuffed food into his face as if he hadn't heard anything.

Harry looked around, then down at his plate.

"I feel like I'm in the 'Twilight Zone' or something."

"What's that?"

"Muggle TV," Harry replied distractedly.

"Cor."

*******************************************

Over the next few days, Hermione focused solely on Egg.  Molly made numerous cozies for Egg using soft wool.

Hermione seemed to like a light-blue cozy best.

Snuggling Egg into it, she smiled happily and brought Egg to her face and rubbed her cheek against the shell affectionately, humming softly as she did.

Ron and Harry stood in the center of the room and watched in silence.

After a moment, Hermione gently placed Egg on a large, soft pillow in the center of the bed.  Wrapping herself in a large comforter, she draped her body over Egg.  Egg disappeared from view, and Hermione sighed happily as she closed her eyes in peace.

"She's keeping Egg warm," said Ron.

"I am so confused by this," Harry murmured.

"You said that four days ago."

"And I'm _still_ confused by this."

"Have mum explain it to you."

Harry was silent for a moment.  "You know, she hasn't actually said anything this whole time."

"Who?  Mum?"

"No, you wanker.  Hermione."

Ron studied Hermione for a moment, then addressed Harry.  "Huh.  No, I suppose she hasn't."

Harry turned and made his way downstairs.  Ron followed, closing the door quietly behind him.

"She likes the blue cozy," said Harry as he slumped onto the couch in the sitting room.  Molly was in her recliner next to him, humming softly to herself as she knitted away.  A stack of multi-colored egg cozies sat next to her on the table.

"I thought it was a bit snug when I knitted it.  But I'm glad it works for the darling."

Harry was silent for a moment.

"I'm still confused about where Egg came from."

"She laid it, love."

"I...but... _how_?!"

"Harry!" Molly snapped firmly.  "She laid an egg.  Egg is hers.  Boys cannot reason with this.  It simply _is_.  You must accept that.  She is with Egg now."

Molly returned to her knitting.

Ron plopped himself down next to Harry.  He had chocolate smeared across his lips as he shoved some homemade fudge into his mouth.

"Kinda feels like the 'Twilight Zone', don' it, 'Arry?"

***************************************

Two days later, Hermione came flying downstairs.  She was gasping and flailing her arms about.

The three of them watched, alarmed.

"What is it, love?  Is it Egg?"  Molly addressed the wild teenager.

Hermione ran around the living room in circles, smashing her hands into various objects and grunting wildly.

Ron and Harry stepped in to corner her.

"Merlin!  Alright, calm down, 'Mione!"

The brown-haired girl tackled both boys with the ferocity of Patrick Willis, sending them flying across the room.  They both landed hard against the wall.

"Oy!  'Mione!"

They each snatched an arm as she flew past; still flailing wildly.  She yanked both of them after her as she made a mad dash for the stairs.

"Hey!  Who's Patrick Willis?!"

Ron whipped around.  "Who?!"

"Patrick Willis!" Harry bellowed as the whirlwind carried his voice away.  "The author mentioned him!"

"And who the fuck is _that_?!"

Harry wailed, "The author?!  He's the one that writes this garbage!"

Ron looked incredulously at Harry as he was dragged along with him at shocking speed.  "What is this; the fucking 'Twilight Zone'?!"

"What's that?!" Harry cried.

"Fuck if I knoooooooowwww!"

Hermione tore up the stairway with both boys in tow and Molly following closely behind.

Once in the room, she suddenly went very quiet, and gingerly stepped to the bed.  She studied Egg carefully before quietly draping herself on the bed before the shelled object.  She leaned forward and nuzzled Egg gently with her nose.

Stepping forward carefully, the trio noticed that Egg was cracked.

And Egg was moving.

Both boys gasped, and Molly brought her hand to her mouth as tears sprang to her eyes.  "Oh love!  It's hatching, isn't it?"

Hermione turned her face up, and her eyes closed peacefully as she beamed happily at the spectators.  She again lowered her face and nuzzled Egg gently with her nose.

Egg rolled and shook slightly.  The crack spread bit by bit over the next few minutes.

After five minutes, the shell finally split in two with a loud _crack_.

Molly, Harry, and Ron leaned over quietly; their eyes falling upon the shell.

They gasped in shock.

There, laying on the pillow amongst the two pieces of shell, was

 

.................

 

**_ ~Fin~ _ **

**Author's Note:**

> Yep. It's a cliffhanger.
> 
> And no, I'm not finishing it. That's the end of this story.
> 
> So come up with your own ending. Who...or what...emerged from the Egg?
> 
> A special thanks to everyone who has been so patient with waiting for my other stories to emerge! I am working on the third chapter of "Hear You Me", and I hope to have it posted soon.
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


End file.
